“Summertime – and the livin’ is easy.” What a colossal crock of something other than Country Crock Shedd’s Spread. Whoever came up with that song must have been either on vacation, unemployed or permanently out to lunch. There’s been nothing easy about this summer. And if I were to christen it according to the summer I have experienced to date, I would have to re-label it “Summer of Inflation and Inconvenience.”
Wait, now that I think about it, that whole easy livin’ line came from Ira Gershwin. He was brother to George Gershwin, who wrote the song “Summertime” for Porgy and Bess, and Ira created the lyrics to it.
So let me backtrack: while I grant Ira Gershwin’s lyrics are lovely (as opposed to Cole Porter’s “De-lovely”), that sentiment is not in line with the my current feelings about summer – especially on this muggy, 90-degree day that has my glasses fogging up as I write because I’ll be damned if I’ll turn on a fan or the window air conditioner during the peak energy use hours of 2-7 PM, during which time Consumers Energy is poised to charge me premium price for electric on top of the already staggering price I’m paying. No way will I cave - as long as I have on my sweat-sopping bandana!
I’ve discovered the mere knowledge the family room window air conditioner is available for emergency use (should I truly need to break down and use it) cools me down at least five to 10 degrees. Funny how that works. It would be even funnier if I discovered it doesn’t work. So far I haven’t yet turned it on except when I installed and tested it. Holy ultimate summertime mind game!
Although summer officially starts mid-June, I consider it in session as soon as I had to mow lawn for the first time. Unfortunately, that was at the end of April this year, followed by weekly mowing thereafter. Normally, I look forward to mowing. Not only is it a productive activity, but one that relaxes and offers me some much-needed activity completion. Some days, a mowed lawn provides my only sense of accomplishment. Be still my heart! However, this year, it’s costing me the heart-stopping price of more than $25 each time I fill my two 2.5 gallon gasoline cans for lawn-mowing. My formerly enjoyable chore has morphed into pain at the pump PTSD.
Additionally, this year Calhoun County is doing construction on the two roads that “T” in front of my home. So they set out flags in my front yard to mark the path of the natural gas line that connects to my house. Until they’re done with their paving project, I have to keep mowing around their doggone flags. That means leaving the yard around them looking like overgrown crap. More like crap-minus!
It’s also challenging to figure out how to leave my driveway by car on any given day with construction going on in all three directions. I was told that as a “local traffic” person, it’s okay to drive on the recently re-dirted (my term) road that is awaiting paving. That’s opposed to the evil, drive-through traffic that’s supposed to stay the heck out of our hood for now.
Making the torn-up roads and high gas prices even more delightful is my daughter being without a vehicle after totaling her car the week before Memorial Day. It’s left her reliant upon other people, chiefly me, for rides to the two college classes she has this summer and the new job that’s earning her money to buy her next vehicle, as this parent is all vehicle-purchased out.
Unfortunately, in order for her to grasp the lesson of needing to earn all the money for her next vehicle, I have to inconvenience myself in the process at a time when I am already beyond inconvenienced to the max with my own commitments. However, our children will always, unfailingly, give their parents endless opportunities to learn more responsibility.
Why? Because, as Ira Gershwin notes at the close of his anthem to summer, “There’s a’nothing that can harm you with daddy and mummy standin’ by.” And I’m mom and dad both to my kids.
Kristy Smith's Different Drum humor columns are archived at her blog: diffdrum.wordpress.com